Self-confidence

They say self-assurance is two-thirds of success. But so many people are deprived of this precious quality. Do they realise how much in life depends on it?

I believe it begins from the very childhood. Look at kids playing at the same play-ground and you'll notice that inevitably some of them swing on the swings and laugh happily whereas others observe them with silent envy from some far away corner.

Those kids grow up, start to go to school. Some of them are pride of their school, popular with classmates, objects of envy of their own sex and of admiration of the opposite sex.

Others still watch their more successful peers, only this time it's too late to run to their parents for consolation, and they look for alternative ways to fight the feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.

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The sources of comfort can be different. Good enough if feelings of hurt, rejection and "social unacceptability" find their way into music, poems, art, boosting creativity and thus helping to make lemonade out of the lemons of negative emotions. But not everybody finds inner strength and sources of inspiration to do it. So quite often adolescents resort to drinking, drugs and violence to hide their lack of self-confidence.

It's not easy to leave it behind

The next stage - insecure children as a rule turn into insecure adults. We can argue that people outgrow childhood complexes and completely forget about them in the mature age. I still think it's more of a wishful thinking. In most cases issues that tortured us in the young age are just disguised to make our lives easier, at least on the superficial level.

Many people would argue that it is not about lack of self-confidence. It's more about being self-critical, self-demanding, craving for the perfection. But is it really necessary to aspire to some lofty ideal image of ourselves that we created in our mind and for some reason believe absolutely vital to attain?

In most cases, a recipe for success consists of a huge inner drive, creativity, persistence, charisma and ability to sell yourself. The idea of "striving for pure perfection" leads you into the dead-end whereas "creating your chances" is constructive and can help you in making a career or self-development.

I like this quote by Allen H. Neuharth: "I quit being afraid when my first venture failed and the sky didn't fall down". Since that's exactly what the problem of not believing in oneself is about - our fear of failure holds us back from being successful, whether it's love, career, our social life, whatever. It sure takes time learn to feel good about yourself even after your hopes and aspirations have collapsed dramatically (or so it seems to us). But nevertheless it's definitely worth learning, you'll be surprised at how much you actually can achieve and what fun life can be when you cut the ropes holding you back to the ground and let your dreams soar high in the sky.

And remember: success comes in can's not cant's!

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